The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Great Blog Cross-Pollination

This is a guest post on my blog courtesy of the Great Blog Cross-Pollination. The point is to introduce you to a new blogger without the reader leaving the comfort of their familiar blog reading path. It's also a game where you need to guess the mystery writer and by guessing correctly, you'll find MY post (which is posted on her blog). Write your guess in the comment section below and then click on the "reveal" link at the bottom of the post to find my partner.

Guest Post:

Life is What You Make It
by ?

Life is hard at times. Maybe not for all people, but I would hazard a guess there is always some hard times for most. Sure, there are always some people who are blessed with that "perfect" life, never to know hardship. Always making the choice which ends up the best choice for them. But then again, we never know the truth about anyone when just looking in. Maybe even more people experience heartache than we think.

But without heartache, would we really be able to see the good in our lives? Is the heartache actually "good" for us in some way?

I have made a lot of stupid decisions in my life. A lot. Hell, I've made stupid decisions very recently. I've also had bad things just happen to me. Do I wish I didn't have to go through all of the bad? Sure. But the big question is, do I ~regret~ it? Any of it? I'm going to have to answer with a definitive "no".

All of the crap I've been through has made me the person I am today. And I like that person I am. But even more so, I know what I can get through. I know that no matter what happens, I'm going to persevere. Sure, when things go bad, I'm all about dwelling on how bad it is. But one thing I won't do, hell, I can't do, is allow it to control my life. Shitty things happen. But even with the shittiest of things, something good will happen later. Life if what you make it. I don't want to use any stupid cliché like "make lemons out of lemonade," because I personally believe some situations don't call for a nice big glass of lemonade at the end (and I don't even like lemonade so screw that). BUT ... things can and will get better if you don't succumb to the bad. The future will always have something to behold, something to make you smile again.

I wanted to take a few examples from my own life and explain how even the crappiest of situations is something I don't regret.

The first thing is one time in my past, 12 years ago to be exact, I was a drug addict. It happened quickly and it took even me by surprise, but it's something that happened. I do want to take a moment to explain how it's not something I'm proud of, in fact, it is quite embarrassing, but I will own up to all of my actions. I know there are a lot of people who may judge me and that's just the chance I have to take. But I can't hide anything in my life. It's part of me and if I'm judged poorly, so be it.

I was the good student in high school and college. I graduated at the top of my high school class and won an academic scholarship to college. I completed college with a Bachelor's of Science degree, do you can understand I'm not just simply stupid. I was also a party girl who would try anything once. The problem was, after college, that one time turned into a full blown physical addiction. I lost everything. My apartment. All my belongings. All for the drug. I OD'd many times, in fact, I'm surprised I made it out alive. I hit bottom in October of 1996. I had nothing. Nothing. But by December I had a good job and by January 1997, I had my own place and well on my way to becoming the person I am today.

The second is the infertility I suffered. It's not in the same ballpark as many of you, but it was my personal journey through IF hell. I went through medicated cycles. Multiple surgeries. IUIs. IVF. FET. I ended up being blessed with multiple children. I only spent 39 cycles trying to conceive, so I definitely cannot speak for those who are still trying or whom have decided to live child free. All I can pull from is my own experiences.

So what is my point? Was being an drug addict good? What going through infertility a fucking great time? NO. They both sucked and I never want to go through it again. But, what it did teach me was I can make it past the pain. With the drug addiction, I realized I can hit bottom and completely rebuild my life. Now, something like losing my job just doesn't scare me as bad as it may have had I not gone through this. With infertility, it's caused me to really take stock in what I do have. I am sure I look at my children with a different view than those who didn't have to fight tooth and nail for them. If I ended up without children, maybe I would look at other things in my life, my husband, family, friends that I wouldn't of realized their full potential.

All I am saying is life is what you make it. You can accept the shit that happens and let it wear you down. Or you can live it, although shitty, but know somewhere inside you that there will be something to gain from the experience. What will you choose? It's all up to you.

Okay, so who wrote the post above? Without peeking, leave your guess in the comment section and then click here to reveal the writer. You'll find my post on her blog.


Wordgirl said...

OH that one was totally easy for me -- one of my beloved blog writers -- and I'm so sure I'm not even going to post it and ruin it for the others.



Artblog said...

urm, it was the drug thing that gave it away for me, she's spoken about it before. I shall go over to miss totally cool with her tattoos and see if I'm right :) X

Vintage Mommy said...

I think I'm too new to this group to make a guess!

Lori said...

I suspected this matchup when I visited a local blogger this morning.


It's irreal.

Geohde said...

Well, clearly I know who it is because I set up the matches, but I recognise the back story, oh mystery One :)


Bea said...

It's a great post, and the second I've read this week from this blogger that had me just nodding.

I do think there's a time for letting the shit wear you down, though. If that makes sense. First you have to go through the grief, then you can come out the other side. It irritates me that some people say (and I'm sure Nancy wasn't), "You just have to change your attitude!" There's a time and a place.

A change of attitude is a sign of how far you've come, not how you get there.


Chili said...

Great post! You sure have come a long way Nancy, and we're proud of you for it. Your outlook is inspiring.

MrsSpock said...

I could tell this was Nancy from the beginning!

b said...

Great post and thoughts Nancy! Thanks!

JamieD said...

Nancy - Infertile and Sarcastic. I would recognize you a mile away!

I am the same - I have many things in my past I wish had not happened, but at the same time I feel I learned a valuable lesson and am a better person for it.

I hope someday I am able to look back on IF and feel the same.