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LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

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Friday, March 07, 2008

Friday Blog Roundup

I've been noticing doppelganger bloggers as I click down the blogroll. I mean, the fact that I get them from my blogroll means that we have infertility in common. But Liza is my location doppelganger (D.C., western Massachusetts, and Madison--how scarily similar. Am I Liza? Is she me?). Isn't It Pretty to Think So is my situation doppelganger (kosher, vegetarian mother-of-twins). Lindsay and Lori are my personality twins (you have to smush them together a bit). And can I pretend that Bea is my accent twin since I really really really covet her cool voice over my Maryland accent?

So who are your doppelgangers on the Internet--a single person or composite-wise?

I'm currently in the Purim zone. The first day of Adar is tomorrow, which is the month (we have a different calendar in Judaism) that holds Purim. This year was actually a leap-month year. Whereas there is a single day added every 4 years in the Gregorian calendar, in the Hebrew calendar, we have a leap month. An extra copy of Adar is placed after Shvat and the Slim Shady, real Adar (won't the real Adar please stand up please stand up please stand up) falls after the leap month. Today is the last day of the imitatin' Adar, therefore, Slim Shady Adar begins tomorrow.

But my Purim energy kicked in the moment the dirt was thrown on Tu B'shvat. There were costumes to plan and a Purim theme to choose and gifts to buy and mishloach manot to prepare. And the mishloach manot are the crown jewel in our Purim celebration because I can't sew worth shit. But I can bake and do sugar art and make candy. So this year, we are going with a combination of original recipes (a dark coffee and brown sugar toffee as well as my original Hamantaschen recipe) and tweaked recipes (chocolate caramels with sea salt) and barely-a-recipe (white chocolate covered pretzels) . There is a coffee blend and enormous homemade chocolate chip cookies and toys and gifts specific to the person.

I will share some of these recipes with you over the month of Adar because, frankly, Adar rocks (seriously, how can you not love a holiday which has heavy drinking built into it?). But I also threw an extra mishloach manot basket onto the list between the one I make for the postal workers of my town (this is a tradition stemming from the time I took over a section of the post office to mail my baskets and gave them the leftovers--now I make them their own basket and in return, they have me fill my boxes at home and bring them prepared to the post office) and my grandmother. And that one, I will somehow get to one of you guys--and I wish I had the butter to send one to everyone on the blogroll--though the means for that are upcoming next week.

So yes, more about Purim, more about candy making, and hopefully, a mishloach manot basket in your home (inspired by MLO's blogoversary gift which I won and I've wanted to pay forward).

Lori at Weebles Wobblog is holding another Limerick contest so I present my entry:

Follistim and Menopur grow them
Lupron and Ganirelix slow them
Count them and measure
Treat each as a treasure
Follicles--can't see them or hold them

Okay, so I needed to perhaps simplify the drug applications to get it to fit, but still, I think I should win points for working Menopur and Ganirelix into a Limerick, nu?

Added: I forgot my link (part of the poem rules) so I went back in and added it. Why Bea? Because she is the creator of the best injection website in the world: the IVF Shoot 'Em Up.


And now, the blogs (now that I've talked long enough to turn this into one ginormo roundup in which you forget the first half by the time you have read through the second half).

had a post about being dumped by a friend this week. She pointed out a book she had read about how female friendships don't have a protocol for ending them. We simply avoid--we stop returning phone calls or emails; we stop getting together. And then the other person doesn't know if something is wrong or if everything is right but life is too busy. Which makes a strong argument for why we should have closure. She wrote: "I composed a very neat, very gentle and not-at-all-pissed-off email to her. And I basically said all that - about the book and whatnot - and apologised for being confrontational and last-strawish and said that I hoped that wasn’t what was going on. And she returned my emails. No answer. No nothing. Just the old Mailer Daemon flashing pixels of rejection at me in my work inbox." And this post broke my heart.

Not Imitation Cheese had a post called "Food for Thought" where she asked why people bring food to new parents. Or, more accurately, why we don't extend the thought to cover other situations: "Why do we (you can pick what the “we” means - I guess I’m assuming that “we” = church ladies) only cook meals for new moms? I mean I was sick for more than a month when I started taking metformin and all of my friends knew it. All of my friends that I cooked meals for when they had their new babies knew that I was sick every single day for MORE THAN A MONTH and it occurred to exactly 1 of them to offer to cook a meal for Husband and me. I’ve had THREE MISCARRIAGES and no one has offered to cook a meal for us. Does this mean that I need new friends? Or that they are just not very thoughtful? Or does it mean that “we” only cook meals for new moms and funerals out of obligation rather than out of a true desire to perform a service for a friend?" It is a good question because I don't think the meals are truly about the help. Even with premature twins on heart monitors, I still could pull together something to eat. It's about the message you send with the food--that you care, that you recognize the person is going through something difficult. Go over and jump into the conversation.

The Shifty Shadow had a brief post called "Red, White (But No Pink)" and the only words it needs as an introduction is that you will cry reading it.

Fortune Cookie Follies
had a post explaining why adoption is harder than ART for her. Though people rarely understand infertility, concepts such as needles are more accessible to those not enduring IVF. She wrote: "With adoption, this capacity to put themselves in your shoes is a bit different. What little empathy and or sympathy I was getting for enduring ART went away . . . only to be replaced by excitement...It really threw me. People were no longer sorry for us they were excited for us. Trouble is, from where I stand there is nothing tangible to be excited about. There are still no guarantees. My arms are still empty and my heart still aches. But now, my aching heart has to face excited faces instead of sympathetic ones . . . and my look of exhaustion and my lack of giddy joy really seems to puzzle them." I think what really struck me in this post is the contrast of the reality of the writer vs the hope of the other person. For every person who sings, "but adoption is a guarantee!" I would pass along how much Beagle's heart still aches even if she is on a new path.

Isn't It Pretty to Think So (my doppelganger!) had a post about loss. The post begins about losing a receipt and turns out to be about so much more. She writes: "So where was it? My heart started racing. I felt queasy. My frustration level was rising. I was so angry with myself, that I worked myself up to a full blown anxiety attack. For the rest of the day, every time I thought about it, I would get sick to my stomach. The skirt only cost $6.50, so what was the problem? I’ve thrown away more money than that before. And then I realized…I am so sick of losing things." I just loved this small thought. And my heart broke a little reading it.

Lastly, Working on It had a post about Hobo Signs made me cry in light of everything else today. Especially this last thought: "It's so generous, this blog stuff. It's like hobo signs - without knowing who's following behind, we're leaving something we hope will help. And we're listening to the ones who were here before us. Dang, I love it." Thank you for writing this.

So here is the roundup for the roundup (have you forgotten the first half by now?): Who is your Internet doppelganger(s)? Purim gift contest coming soon. Lori's Limerick throwdown. And, not to be forgotten, many good wishes for a relaxing weekend.


luna said...

I don't know that I've found my internet doppelganger yet, but maybe someday...

your toffee and chocolate caramels with sea salt sound incredible, along with everything else of course.

love your limerick, very talented to rhyme those terms...

and thanks for the roundup, I always look forward to it each week and love how just one simple thought can touch or sit with you/me/someone. happy friday. ~luna

Jess said...

Agh! Blogger ate my comment!!

Your Sea salt caramels had me at hello, Mel. They had me at hello.

My Cally (remember Gravida Zero?) or KatD...both younger girls who adotped around the same time. KatD's daughter and my Ava also have alot of similarities and we don't live *TOO* far....well, more than a few hours apart, but let's face it...I live in the boonies. No one lives here.

So far I haven't seen anyone who got pg and adopted at the same time. I'm the myth. Making fertiles more stupid, one chance meeting at a time. I know. I know.

Kathy said...

I always enjoy your Friday Blog Roundups too! :) Okay, maybe I am missing something, but what is a "doppelganger?" From the context it sounds like some kind of Blogging friend that reminds you of you, am I correct? Just curious...

Dresden said...

I think I am a composite of a couple of other bloggers as well. There are some gals out there that write posts about their family and I feel like it was ripped from my private journal.

But really I feel like I am a doppelganger of Sarah Solitaire. For starters we are both single, we both live in Florida, and then there is the crazy 3+ years of infertility thing not to mention she had a hep c scare just a few months before I did.

the toffee sounds amazing. I want some NOW!

Jen said...

I don't think I've found my doppelganger yet! I've "met" a lot of awesome women who inspire me, make me laugh, make me cry, and remind me that I am, in fact, normal. And for that I'm thankful.

Anonymous said...

Hello Doppelganger!! Thank you so much for honoring my post. I am beyond flattered that it touched you. And you have inspired me...I am going to make mishloach manot baskets this year. I used to do it all the time, and in truth...I got wrapped up in myself and stopped doing it. I think maybe this is the year to get started again. thank you!!

loribeth said...

I haven't yet found a blogger whose story matches mine (childfree after stillbirth & infertility), although a few come close. But (& I hope she doesn't mind me posting this) JuliaS & I "knew" each other in a previous Internet existence ; ) & used to joke we must be cousins or separated at birth, et., because we have so much in common. We share a lot of the same interests & viewpoints, & often, something will happen to me & I'll find out something very similar happened at the same time to Julia too (e.g., we both started blogging at about the same time, unbeknown to each other). Most importantly: her Carena & my Katie share August 7, 1998, as their angel day.

Leah said...

Please give me some of those toffees. Like, right now. Are you willing to do an 11pm delivery to AA County?

I don't know that I've found an exact match doppleganger -- which is probably good news for everyone else. :-)

Having said that, I have always connected with Kami from Are We There Yet? Although our stories are different, in some ways they are the same. Mostly, it's that so many of her posts are comprised of the exact, very thoughts rattling around in my head.

I also see many similarities with Bean from Where is My Happiness? We both have daughters already, both endured years of unsuccessful IF treatments, and both were surprised by a naturally conceived pregnancy that sadly ended in miscarriage. Plus, I've met her in person and really dig her.

I wish I was gorgeous (inside and out) like JJ from Reproductive Jeans -- and oh! that voice! I wish I was brilliant and funny like YOU, my dearest Mel. I wish I had the wits and tenacity and gorgeous hair of Lindsay from Looking for Two Lines. I wish I had half the brain and vocabulary of Alexa at Flotsam. I wish I had even a portion of the heart and warmth of Becky from Are We There Yet?

I also have similarities to Amy from Waiting for ?, and Portia from Desperate to Multiply. I guess I see a lot of myself in other bloggers, which is why I'm so addicted to this community.

Looking forward to seeing you next Sunday!

Erica Kain said...

I'll tell you what I told my Purim-celebrating pal yesterday -- why can't I be Jewish???? You guys have the best holidays.

Barb said...

I love hearing about Jewish traditions. You are a font of information. :)

Lizzy at "Over My Head" has similar feelings to me I think. Mel at "Living a New Life with Infertility" has a similar marriage situation.

The "Impatient Patient" has the same doctor and very similar experiences.

Liza said...

Ok, those caramels sound AMAZING. Will you post the recipe/instructions?

Wait until after Purim if you must, but like many other commenters, I'm sitting here in a puddle of drool.

I think you are my only Internet doppelganger, but I have 2 at work. At least according to the S*bucks downstairs, where the baristas write "Ruth" or "Jen" on my coffee approximately 20% of the time.

Bea said...

You can have my accent if you write my dear body letter and limerick for me. So many blogging activities, so little time!

Happy Purim, by the way (can you say "happy Purim"?)