The Daily News

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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

A Good, Stiff Drink Anyone?

It's just two words on a calendar. It's some greeting card displays and flower advertisements. It's commercials and sales and all other venues of consumerism.

And at the same time, it's almost as if Hallmark designed this lovely little knife to jab straight into your heart (the knife is, of course, festooned with decorative hearts and flowers and is only $6.99 with the purchase of three greeting cards).

You need a drink, right?

If you weren't in the middle of a 2ww, you'd be at a real bar this weekend. Or if you weren't waiting to cycle and worrying that alcohol could hurt your chances, you'd be knocking back a few appletinis. So let's open this one instead. I thought drinks would be better served before the 13th rather than after this month.

Mother's Day is this bizarre little holiday. When you can't celebrate it yourself, it becomes this huge container of salt to rub on a very open wound. And when you can celebrate it yourself, you still find yourself weeping in the card aisle. You want to simply enjoy it, but you think about what it took to get there. And while others try to convince you otherwise--"you have a mother; just celebrate her this May and don't think about it"--it's hard to get your mind off your hoohaahooterus when Hallmark has created a reminder of motherhood right in the center of May.

So for every stirrup queen who has not reached motherhood; for every stirrup queen who reached motherhood but had it cruelly snatched away; for every stirrup queen who is currently pregnant yet terrified about celebrating; or for every stirrup queen who has reached motherhood but still thinks about what it took to get there or how she will ever reach motherhood again--a drink for you.*

So don't just catch everyone up on what's happening to you this month--have a good vent. Get it out here. Send each other ideas on how you're spending that day. Send support to others who need it. And if you are looking for the perfect, alcohol-inspired card:

I purchased this card for a friend simply because she is in need of a good, stiff drink right now. But I thought I would put it up on the blog with a link back to the good people at Hallmark (more specifically, it was made by Shoebox) so that this card could be virtually sent to all of you. It seems that with the new line of sympathy cards aimed at infertility and pregnancy loss, Hallmark has also gone on a few tangents with hard-to-deal-with holidays.

Making Mother's Day a drinking holiday is a little bit like making a birthday a "smoke up, Johnny" sort of day. But why the hell not?

So...beyond your thoughts on the upcoming I always state... It has been a little less than a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I'll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. Maybe you just had your first appointment with your RE. Or your worst fight ever with your spouse. Or maybe you simply need to have a good cry as you pick up the pieces after a D&C. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person's blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while, sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don't have a blog--gasp!--you can always leave an email address if you're looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you're a regular at the bar, I'll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I'm glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I'm talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation.

And forgive me if it takes me a day or two to get you your drink. My lady-when-waiting is coming into town!

* And to all men who fall into the male side of these categories (except the ones who are currently pregnant since you're such an media case that you're probably too busy giving interviews about how you're the first man carrying a child to drink at this imaginary bar), please pull up a chair and drink too since you have wives to comfort and celebrate this weekend.


The Town Criers said...

I just opened the doors and I'm already having a little midori and sprite (I'm not going to apologize--I am a girl drink drunk). I went to a new OB yesterday. And he was fantastic (thank you, Lisa!). Not only did he not roll his eyes when I started to list off all of my thoughts on my own hoohaahooterus, but he knew a lot about thrombophilias and IUGR and all things that worry me and sent me directly to a new hematologist (I needed a new one since it's too hard to deal with the first hematologist's office) and wrote me a prescription for Folgard and new prenatals. Plus, I can literally see my RE's office from his building and he was very supportive of sending me back to him when I hit my trying-naturally breaking point. But he wanted to run some blood work himself to give me an idea of where hormone levels were currently standing.

I'm just really glad I stopped settling on my semi-okay OB and went with someone who takes me seriously. And who understood why it would mean something to me to conceive at home vs the RE's and pointed out how nice that would be if the new stuff they found helps me without me having to say it. Lovenox injections at home vs. stim injections at the RE''s all needles. And I'm willing to try this other way first for a few months at least.

So...that's where I am. And this is where I'll be, pouring drinks. So grab a seat and tell us what's happening with you. Or have a good vent. Or both.

Caro said...

I'll have a mojito please.

One advantage of not living in the country of my birth and the different days around the world for mother's day is that I don't see cards for this any more. Although Denmark does seem to have the same day as the US.

I'm currently in the middle of my cycle so will be attempting to seduce my husband tonight. I'm also hoping that my first appointment with the OB (at the beginning of July) will end up being about my pregnancy instead of why I'm not.

Bea said...

Yay for your new OB. Feeling comfortable and confident in the people who care for you means a lot.

I'm going to have... something edgy and exciting and imaginative... no fuck it just a red please. (Damnit - just checked and none left in the house.)

Um, I'm trying to ovulate, or at least have a short-ish anovulatory cycle, I don't care which, so I can get on with things. The future seems like a long time away.


S&C said...

Being an adoption mom still waiting for a referral after 10 long months i am going to have a real drink on mothers day for sure! Hey i will have a drink for all of you.. Taking orders now ladies ;-)

Carlynn said...

I'll have a huge drink, something fluffy like piña colada which I lurrve. I am waiting for news on my bloodwork, how much to shoot up this evening and how my body is responding. And I don't know, I really don't know anymore at all. Will I fall pregnant with this IVF? Can I fall pregnant again? Will I carry to term? Who knows? Unfortunately no-one. Make that two piña coladas. After all, alcohol does not seem to have stopped hundreds of women falling pregnant all over the world.

And you? How are you? How are things going? Enough about me. Let's hear some other stories. Anyone else craving chocolate during their IVF run-up?

TeamWinks said...

Hmm, what to order? I think I'm going to order a glass of caffeine free Diet Coke. Yeah, I know, a hard cry from what I've ordered in the past (tequila and such), and I'm not even cycling.

You see, I've found I have a new house guest...hope. I did my best to put my hands to the door to hold is shut and not let her in, but she shoved her way in against all my wishes. Now, what to do with her?

I'm feeling like I have a blank slate. As if June will be the very first month of us trying to conceive. Talk about rewinding the clock! It doesn't erase everything we've been through, but it gives us a huge explanation.

Dang, I'm empty. Can I get another one Mel?

mary said...

Feeling very sorry for myself today and this week in general. I am a 2nd grade teacher and our school has a tradition where the 2nd grade teachers put on a Mother's Day Tea for the moms of their students. So I have been racing around for the last week making centerpieces, baking cookies, helping the klids make multiple gifts for their moms, teaching them special songs, etc. Yesterday I got a very mean message from a mom saying she is bringing her younger child too and she doesn't care if I like it or not. I NEVER said she couldn't; I simply told the kids I would like this to be a special time for them and their moms. So, while I am still mourning the fact that my twins will not be born this July and mouring the other 3 babies I have lost, I am having to celebrate other moms who don't all really deserve it and who don't appreciate the effort I have put into it. Oh and the donor consultants still can't find a suitable egg donor for us. Poor me!
I say we all go shopping and splurge on something nice to celebrate the determination we have to be willing to go through all of this crap to just be a parent. Whose got the credit card????

decemberbaby said...

Mel ~ that's wonderful about your new OB!

I came back from 2 weeks in Israel with a sinus infection and a BFP. I'm now at the 5 week mark - way too early for me to feel like it's real, but the betas have been good.

I'm trying not to think about mother's day. If I hadn't miscarried I would have been a mom to a 6-week-old this year. Bah. Hallmark holidays have just never done it for me.

decemberbaby said...

Oh, and I'll take a tall glass of water. I'm thirsty.

Baby Blues said...

Hey I'm early! I get to choose a good seat in the bar. Pour me my usual, red wine please. Do you have cheese and jamon serrano to go with it? Ok peanuts will do.

Still waiting to cycle. Living it up before starting IVF in September. I'm actually on CD 36, not surprising for polycystic me! The only time I feel in control is when I'm cycling, and because I'm on a break, I'm enjoying and letting loose. Keep the red wine pouring!

Tina said...

Mel: Good luck with the new OB! It is always important to have one who really gets it.

Mary: I am sorry you had to deal with such an ass-munch mom like that. I would have had to come back with something witty to her about not wanting to make that celebration special for the child she has in the class...

Well, I am not sure what I want in ways of a drink right now... I am still in a holding pattern - no TTC for me until TSH levels are stable, and I find that out after b/w in about two weeks. If TSH is below 2, TTC is a go for June/July - if not, we have to postpone again. Wish I had a crystal ball right now.

...Just wish I could decide on whether I want to try Clomid again or call in the big guns with injectables...

ultimatejourney said...

Wow, you always know how to open the bar right when I need it. I'll take another strong margarita, please. This time, it's on account of our first choice sperm donor (one of my husband's relatives) not having enough good swimmers for our needs. On to anonymous donor (what is that, Plan F by now?) I'll be doing Clomid/dIUI next cycle (probably starting around the beginning of June) but for now I'm drinking up. Thanks for the drink, and the hilarious Mother's Day card. I gotta get my hands on a hard copy.

Anonymous said...

LOL want to know what I am doing on Mothers day?? Having my transfer. My retrieval is tomorrow. Transfer Sun. Awesome. I would rather poke my eyes out with needles than have my transfer fall on Mothers day. CRAP!!!! Its not a good sign.

serenity said...

Great news Mel!!! So happy for you.

I'd like a mojito too, please - it's great weather here and I'm in full on summer mode.

We have our second opinion consult with Newdoc on Monday. The day after Mother's Day. And I am completely, utterly, illogically TERRIFIED that he's going to tell us that he can't help us. And all that uncertainty I've managed to lock behind a door is going to come crashing out to smother me.

And then there's the other part of me that doesn't really want to be bothered with trying anymore. I'm tired of grieving and being sad. I love being on a break right now. I love working out every morning without worrying I'm doing too much. I love my morning coffee. With artificial sweetener. And my evening wine. Or beer. Or mojitos.

If it weren't for the fact that I know we'll probably never have a family unless we either do ART or adopt... I'd just quit right now.

*sigh* A lotta issues seem to pop up when I think about this short meeting with Newdoc.

But mojitos make it all better...

Artblog said...

I'm not cycling this month (YA RIGHT ARTBLOG!!!) so I'll have one of those mojitos thingies too, just make it nice and strong!

Is anybody as tired as I am in trying to getting knocked up (again)!?!?

Stupid question really, I should know better. Just thought I'd ask anyway.

Where's that drink, pretty pwease?


Tigger said...

I'll have a Chocolate Monk please!

Today is finals day for me - Spanish and Biology. Currently have an A- in Spanish, but I need to do well on this test. Biology is a C-, so I REALLY REALLY need to ace this thing!

Mother's Day. How I am beginning to loathe this day. I was just talking to Aaron about that the other day too. I hate it because while I am a mommy to my kitties, on days like that it doesn't seem to count. I want the cards and the breakfast my kids tried to make and to not feel left out.

What am I doing this Mother's Day? I'm a glutton for punishment. I'm spending the day with my best friend, who is currently 17 weeks pregnant with her second child. Who she conceived during the only time they had sex that cycle, with a bunch of other strikes against her. She's the kind of woman you hate - but she's my best friend.

On the upside, she's gotten a lot more sensitive to my state of mind over the past few years. Last year she actually wished me a happy Mother's Day...because she knew I would be someday. I almost cried - and I did flinch. I hope she doesn't do that again this year - she may be pg, but that won't stop me from verbally killing her!

So please...lots of drinks to fortify me for the upcoming weeks. Thanks!!!

Tigger said...

I forgot to mention - AF loves me, apparently. She's due any day now, which means I'll have HER over for Mother's Day as well. As if I needed another reminder...

Beagle said...

I'll be "celebrating" my birthday the same day . . . it irritates me in advance that I will have to try hard to ignore all the happy families around me while I try to pretend that not being a mother yet makes me want to cry.

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to!

And I'll take a Margarita please.

mandolyn said...

I'll have a Corona with a twist of lime, please.

I'll be quick this time around and just pass through. I'm actually looking forward to a really really good day on Sunday this year, but a little part of me will remember what a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day it was last year. I'm in a good place this time around and will kiss my pomegranate string on Sunday and sent out silent wishes for all my fellow Stirrup Queens.

And then I might just have a real beer.

Carla said...

Midori sounds great, I haven't had one of those in years. Doing my best to ignore this Hallmark-created nightmare. It is harder than usual this year--I first realized it was coming two weeks ago--the day after my D&C--when I was in the grocery store having a prescription filled and saw all those cards. Wait, I have an idea--everyone from the virtual bar should just hop on a plane to the Caribbean (any island will do) and have a blast relaxing and getting tan. We won't come back until at least Tuesday!

andrea_jennine said...

A coffee with Bailey's for me - all these IVF meds and early morning appointments have left my eyelids barely able to crack open. I'm hoping for a "Get Out of Mother's Day Free" card via egg retrieval on Sunday. I don't have very high hopes for this IVF, but I keep plodding along. It doesn't help that work is totally unpredictable right now, I just finished 5 (FIVE!) weeks of having my sometimes-insensitive in-laws in town, and a friend just called to gently announce her pregnancy - her second since we started TTC. Blegh.

Pamela Jeanne said...

I posted yesterday (at 4 am mind you since my brain wouldn't let me sleep for thinking about how to prepare myself for this weekend.) My latest entry is about how little society values non-moms but lest you think I took the fast train to self-pityville, I pulled it out and started thinking about the other characteristics that define non-moms and it made me feel better. I'm getting some great comments and welcome everyone's view here: how do you see yourselves beyond mom or non-mom? So I'm about as ready for this weekend as I've ever been. Bring it, I say, so we can get beyond it. I'll go with a Sex in the City special, the Cosmo, and relish my freedom to drink, indulge and pamper to my heart's content. Yes, you heard it right, I'm starting to get to the point where I can celebrate that there's more to life than procreation.

Trying to convince my uterus to co-operate said...

You wouldn't happen to have a bottle of White Merlot back there would you? Wonderful! I'll take it!

Right now I don't really have to think too much about my cycle, getting pregnant or hope. I'm stuck in the who knows how long this m/c will take wait. Argh!

I feel like I'm living in a bad sequel to the movie Groundhogs Day. Are we sure this is 2007 or is it really still 2006?

Bartender, I'd like to buy around for the house.

Chris said...

A vodka tonic, please!

Great news about the new OB, Mel - cheers!

Mary - sorry you're in the position you are. I can't imagine how heart wrenching that is.

My husband and I have our first IVF consult tomorrow. We'll be getting up at the crack of dawn and heading down (over?) to San Antonio to meet with a new RE. I'm beyond excited and feeling the same kind of optimism I felt way back in the early days of trying to get pregnant.

A round for everyone, on me.

Ann said...

Mmm, a chocolate martini please. You just can't beat chocolate and alcohol--together, the way they should be.

I'm waiting to start my first cycle with Femara (Clomid was a bust). I'm really, really nervous, because if this doesn't work to make me ovulate, I'm probably on the fast-track to IVF (my RE doesn't really believe in doing injectables cycles; he figures if you're going to spend that much, you might as well go straight to IVF).

A peripheral co-worker asked me yesterday if I had kids. I said no. He said, oh, well, the zoo is letting mothers in free on Mother's Day. Thankfully, that was the end of the conversation. How is it that a mother deserves a free zoo admission and I don't? Aargh!

Furrow said...

Ackk! Mary! That sucks! Can I come over there and kick her ass? I was a teacher for a while and know how bitchy and unappreciative parents can be to teachers in general, but that takes the cake. Your drink's on me.

Flmgodog said...

I will have something non-alcoholic Mel, please. Anything really will do...

I don't have much room to complain right now but I certainly do need to vent. Monday we found out that my peri- will be on an african safari for my induction. So I either get his shitty partner OR his new partner who has only been around for a little while. The chances are the new partner (NP). We had a meet and greet with NP right after my doc told me he would be gone. I thought the NP would come in exchange pleasantries and we would be done. Yeah not so much...
NP went on and on for FORTY MINUTES about all the things that could possibly go wrong in the next three and a half weeks before induction. He wants to do all this testing on me and the baby and proceeded to tell me he has delivered "lots of dead babies". His words not mine. My husband's jaw was on the floor, my eyes were as big as saucers and the physicians assistant who was also in the room I think was in shock but he continued on. He told me he realized that I have had four miscarriages but in these last few weeks we need to be more vigilant about testing.
I thought I was at a point where I would be ok if the baby came now, all seemed well enough and my current doctor didn't seem to think there were any issues looming, infact the PA reitterated several times in front of the New Partner that my numbers were all better than they had ever seen from me.
Sh*t where does this leave me. I realize that their are so many woman begging to be pregnant and I don't think I have any room to complain but my head is spinning.

Ahhh...sorry about the vent but I just had to let it out somewhere.

Thanks for the drinks.

Rachel said...

I've hated mother's day forever. My mom chose that day to leave when I was 7. So, it was not a pleasant day before I had a miscarriage. Now I can only imagine it will be worse.

Last night I shared with my friend who recently experienced a stillbirth and is again fighting the infertility battle that I am pregnant again. I was shaking before I got the courage to call her. She took it graciously, but I am sure she cried as soon as we hung up.

Hubby and I are leaving for a cruise tomorrow. Hopefully I can forget it is mother's day. I will also be gone when I hit the 10 week mark. That's the exact day I miscarried last time. I'm hoping some sun and relaxation will relieve my stress level.

Nichole said...

I am lucky that my mother-in-law is an alcoholic so Mother's day very easily turns into a drinking holiday for me (my mom lives thousands of miles away - mother in law...just down the street)

Jess said...

I'm really conflicted about Mother's Day this year, and I know that that makes me a bit of a hooch to everyone who will read this and be, go screw yourself. But I'll take my regular Mai Tai. Hey, it's virtual, right?

But all the same. I am pregnant. And it's Mother's Day. And I am scared to death, because it's early. Veeeery early. And everyone KNOWS.

And not only that, but the adoption is looming, and with birthmom in the hospital last night, we could be (or could not be, just as easily, is what scares me) Mom and Dad sooner rather than later.

I am SO happy and SO blessed to have these chances at motherhood, but I feel like a fraud because in my heart I can't help but be freaked the HECK OUT that things are all going to blow up in my face.

So maybe I don't have the same rights to the drinks as those of you still totally in the trenches, but I've found that hope is always the scariest part of IF, and I'm bogged down with so much hope and fear right now that I can barely breathe.

But I can drink. Eh....I can drink VIRTUALLY. :)

megan said...

glad you opened up the bar today, Mel! i'm still aghast at Mary's tale. as if it wasn't brutal enough, she has that asshat of a mother to deal with. i'm sorry, mary. can i buy you a drink?
mother's day never became an issue for me. last year i was dealing with running a library conference that i was also presenting at (ON mother's day) so was waaay too busy to make any negative associations. mostly, it just makes me miss my mom as she lives far far away from me.
i'm feeling really blessed about this mother's day, though tentatively... that said, i'll just have a tall glass of water, but would like to buy a round for everyone!

Michell said...

I think I will try one of those chocolate martinis that sounds good. This is the first mothers day since I've been trying/hoping so not totally sure how I feel. I am getting closer to doing IUI but not sure where or when it will happen. I have no idea (for the first time in a very long time) when AF will show as I think I had an annovultory month this cycle (my surge lasted 6 days). I had requested time off to go home in June to IUI but if my cycle is all off then the days I requested off won't work. So now I'm trying to get it worked out to do IUI here in Fresno while I'm here. The doctor part is partially covered, I was told all I had to do was have my doctor call a referral to the doctor here and they would do it. I still need to get my clomid which will be my first time for that. Now I'm just waiting to find out if I can get my donor sperm shipped here instead of picking it up at home. I would love to think this could all work out to happen in May but realistically it may be June before this happens.

Sami said...

Mel - first congrats on the new OB - sounds like a keeper! Definitely a good thing!

As for me - pour me a sangria... thank goodness this is virtual :)

For me well Sunday will be the halfway point in this pregnancy and I'll be working. I'm still not even remotely comfortable yet in that "pregnant" world and rarely do I say "I'm pregnant" and since I'm still not showing I'm able to keep things to myself for the most part. Few people have figured it out without being told (actually no people have figured it out without being told).

My mom is thinking of putting her dog to sleep. This is the dog that was my dad's before he died and guarded his body from the EMS workers when they came. She's a good dog, but something is not right and the vets my mom have taken her to have not put a finger on it... my thoughts cancer that has most likely spread to her brain and is causing these personality changes. My mom is devestated at the turn of events, but can't live with a dog that is that unpredictable. Sadie attacked a cat that she loves... we'd always find the two of them cuddling with one another - called Fred her trans species partner. She growls at the neighbors... and well it's just a heartbreaking situation. My mom feels as if she's saying goodbye to my dad all over again... and I'm left to hold her up as she struggles to make this decision.

I found a fellow stirrup-queen in an unlikely spot... one of the pups new moms is a fellow stirrup-queen and she's fabulous. Cancer took her opportunities away and she has twins... she also had a still birth and it broke my heart. Finding the right words to email her back has been a struggle. Even though the twins are 8 and her cancer has been gone for 13 years... the marks that infertility and cancer has left just well... they still hurt and I don't know if I found the "right" words but I hope I did.

Thanks for the sangria Mel - it came at the right time and is appreciated...

DEMummie said...

I am also glad that you opened early. Though I am now a mother I was hoping to have that experience again. And with a very low key FET cycle!! After all the high tech, high stress, poor result cycles we endured.... well we thought this would be a piece of cake.

Shoulda known better. TSH is undetetable. Apparently when I was "sick" a few weeks ago, I was probably enduring a "Thyroid storm" which my OB casually mentioned yesterday, "has a mortality rate of 30%". Hmmm.... and I, (the nurse) didn't even go to the hospital. What a bright star that I am!!

So FET is on indefinite hold and will most likely never happen. The anti-thyroid drugs I would have to take are a Class "D" pregnancy drug.... The use of radioactive iodine to knock out my thyroid would preclude a pregnancy for at least 2 years.... and for some reason I'm not a candidate for a thyroidectomy. Cause, that was my solution, yank it and put me on replacement drugs which are safer during pregnancy. But, though they can nuke it into uselessness, we can't actually remove it.

You know, I know roughly where my own thyroid is, maybe I should just take it out myself? I have lidocaine and a plethora of medical supplies from multiple cycles. I even have an unused IV set up from our cat that just died. Hmmm, anyone in the WI area available to assist?

And Mel, surprise me with something fruity and STRONG!


Somewhat Ordinary said...

I've been off at the RE's all morning, so I'm a little late to join y'all! I just found out we'll be doing our first dIUI in June, so I'm pretty excited about that. I think to celebrate I would like a big pina colada!

My mom is going to be out of town on Mother's Day and the MIL will be flying sailplanes so I think I'm just going to pretend like it is any other day and stay home spring cleaning. Oh, and maybe I'll have a few real drinks on Sunday to pass the time.

Cece said...

Seems I'm a little late to the party.... but Jack and Giner please. 3 weeks away to my meeting with the RE to get my protocal for our first try with IVF - and more concentrating on weight loss that my RE recommended than obsessing on baby making - a different spin on the whole deal, I guess?

But today, my DH and I are palying hooky from work together - and having a blast...back to it!

Amy said...

Mind if I join you? I've never been here before, but it really seems like my kind of place. Got any Cuervo 1800? I'll take a shot & and Bud to chase it with. Just got back from the craft store where I had to stand forever on line behind a very, very p/g lady, in front of a lady oviously on the phone with someone who just gave birth (and was getting all the gory details) and all while having nothing else to stare at but the kitschy crafts projects for Mother's Day display. It was a trifecta . . . Just couldn't stop thinking that I would have had a 2-year old with me today if it wasn't for that pesky m/c. I'll take another shot if you don't mind. Here's a big fat tip for your trouble. Just please cut me off after this so I don't fall down and bust my knee up again. Salut!

Cibele said...

I want a strawberry Martine please! Just wish I could sleep and wake up the day after Mother's day. My mom is in Brazil so I really don’t have many reasons to go out and celebrate. I told DH yesterday that I have no strength to go out for Mother's day brunch with MIL, and BIL and SIL with their 2 kids and # 3 on the way (of course unplanned)... I wish I did not care, but her pregnant belly really puts me down. I can’t fake it anymore and yet I don’t want to show my weakness. I know it is not fair for DH, he wants to be with his mom but I just can’t! I’ll try to take her for dinner instead without my other in laws. DH said that he will be OK with any decision I make…

That is my 26th cycle TTC and still no baby or a diagnosis. 14dpo today and AF is knocking at my door ( I thought “she” would be here by now based on all the cramps- maybe “she” will show up Sunday just for fun) . I POAS yesterday and another BFN!!!!!!!! I am waiting to start my new job in June and get a better ins and go see a RE. The plan is to do 3 cycles of clomid +progesterone (I think I will postpone it until June because I want to celebrate my graduation month without hot flashes and all the other clomid side effects ) and a medicated IUI cycle by the end of this year.

Well, I already talked too much. Just want to wish all of you the best of luck! I hope next year will be different and we join the club
Thanks for let me vent MEL

ms. c said...

Seeing as this is virtual, I would LOVE a lychee martini.
*gulp* Man, that tastes good!
I'm 9dpo and Sunday would usually be the day I POAS... but I am hestitating because I don't want to be all bitchy with my family around, you know? So I don't know what to do... suggestions would be helpful. I'm so trying to stay positive about this cycle (our third inj, but first with IUI,) TRYING REALLY HARD. That's where I'm at...
On another note-I was running around all day yesterday, and you would not believe how many pregnant bellies were about town. It was like National Pregnant Ladies Gather Round Ms. C Day. It was not so easy.
Mel: great about the OB!
Mary: I'm speechless!
Ann: EEKs concerning free zoo fom moms! What about us?
To everyone... I'm always thinking about you, my fellow stirrup queens. Thanks so giving us the chance to congregate, Mel.

Rebecca said...

I'd like a good stiff vodka.

My name is Rebecca and I'm coming out of the closet. I'm infertile, we're infertile and we don't really know what to do. We could have tests but we'd have to pay, and it's spare cash we don't have just now.

Mother's Day passed for us Brits in March, and I managed to just enjoy my mother. I think this might be the last year I can do that, though.

Your blog is teh kewl ;)

GLouise said...

Cheers to your new OB!

I'd like a margarita, please. I am really, really hoping that this is my last Mother's Day without being a Mom...

I must brag on my husband a bit though. We are going away for the weekend...Hooray!!

Anonymous said...

Hook me up to an IV please so I can mainline ANYTHING that will get me into a state of oblivion!!!

I am in a very, very shitty place right now. More than wanting a child, I want to stop wanting. We are 15 days into our "putting treatments on hold" and I am insane. I have some very good moments. Drowned out by so many, many sad and krappy ones. I hate this. I want to be able to smile at cute little babies. I want to be able to see or hear of a pregnant woman and not be crushed and filled with anguish. I want this pain to go the hell away!!!!
(You asked for venting!)

Mother's day is the day before my birthday (it's often around my b-day) and while I'm looking forward to celebrating my mom, it'll be tough. I've got my head in the sand on this one.

Okay, I seem to have run out of steam (I'm doing this from work in the midst of a crisis here). I promise I'll come back to listen to everyone else!!

Thanks, Mel...I think it's safe to unhook me for a bit...but maybe I'll leave the line in in case I need a little more later!


Amy said...

I'm new here, but this is perfect timing. I'll have sangria, please. Lots and lots of sangria.

I'm waiting to try my first IVF this summer and have day 3 blood work on Friday, something I've never done in our two and a half years of "trying." I'm terrified that something else will be wrong - PCOS and male factor already. Plus I just really hate needles, something I guess I'll need to get over for the neddlefest of IVF. Hell, it all terrifies me. Am trying to get past that and find some optimism.

Celeste said...

i just popped 2 xanax, so i should be good in about 1/2 hour. will you all despise me when i say that i'm in (a very unexpected) 2ww, and it's all i can do to keep from 24-hr a day xanax? shit, it's a brutal week over here, and the looming arrival of another f***ing mother's day is just salt in the wound.


anyway, Mel, I'm glad for you with the new OB and all!

love to all

hopeful to hateful in 28 days said...

I would love a glass of wine or an ice cold coke but for now I'll just enjoy the company. I've only been blogging for a month but it has been an amazing source of support. In a nutshell I am: 2yrs10months trying, 1misc., 2 d&cs, lots of clomid, lots of hcg, progesterone, 3 IUIs, Bravelle, more progesterone.

I'm in the 2ww right now (aided by Bravelle, IUI, and progesterone) and totally losing my mind!!! I may need you to pour me a stiff one in a week.

Changing Expectations said...

Hi Mel, thanks for the invite. I would love a Gray Goose and tonic please.

Congrats on the new OB. Sounds like the ticket!

For me, I have an HYS tomorrow. The only thing that I am looking forward to is the great dose of Valium that comes along with it. We'll see what happens...I haven't spent too much time looking at donors, but figure I will be motivated tomorrow after we receive the all clear (hopefully). On Sunday I will be laying low here at home. MD is a hard day for both TM and I....but we will make it through.

Wow, that drink was great, can I get another?

Natalie said...

There's so much I could say about Mother's Day, like how all the cards are all about how mom is your best friend and she supported you always. Mine... didn't. Not really. She tried. Maybe there should be a card like that.... "Thanks for trying."

But me? Me. Yeah. My period should be here like, tomorrow... and I'm waiting impatiently, because soon as it comes I can go get an ultrasound and start stims for our IVF cycle. I'm doing the lupron thing now. Hubby doing my shots. It's funny what you'll put yourself through when you want the end result bad enough.

But right now with PMSing and everything... I've just been a bit of a mess the last few days. Feeling like a failure. Worrying that this IVF cycle isn't going to work and that leaves us... where? In a scary spot.

Yeah, I could definitely use a drink.

Larisa said...

Great news on the new ob.

I'm going to gladly, gratefully, and thankfully order a fizzy water with lemon.

So many comments, so many stories, I can't comment on them all. I wish everyone a peaceful, not heart-breaking day on Sunday. I'm going to call my mom.

And then I'm probably just going to stay in the house.

Sunny said...

Man I hate that I missed the rush hour AGAIN! I have been busy keeping myself busy during this wait getting ready for my sex toy party tomorrow night.

SO I would like my usual, TEQUILA! I have had too much wine this week. I need the hard stuff.

AF is KNOCKING at my door BUT I have been having that "maybe it worked this time" feeling. Of course it is crushed every so often with that stupid AF feeling.

With all that said I need another shot!

Sunny said...

Oh I forgot to say, "Mother's Day sucks" :)! Not sure what I will be doing. For sure not going to church. I usually go out with a friend but this year she is doing the mom thing. I am sure I will be doing the drink thing!

Erin said...

Oooh, a margarita, rocks with salt for me! Does anyone want to share a pitcher?

I'm going through my first IVF this month. I've been stimming since last Friday and my RE estimates retrieval on Monday. Apparently my right ovary is a lazy bitch and decided not to pay any attention to the drugs I've been stabbing myself with all week. Leftette is performing much better. She'll be even happier once she gets that 'rita!

Mel - I saw that card, too! I thought it would be the perfect one to send myself.

Cheers everyone!!

Pretty Kitty said...

I'll take a (non-alcoholic) peach bellini please! I am in the 2ww following my first injectible/IUI cycle. My period is due on (drumroll please)...Mother's Day! The irony is not lost on me. It could come as early as Friday, Iceman's (my husband) birthday. This would fall in line with me getting my period on many significant days, the worste being my birthday last summer.

My FSH is 16.9, and though that dx put me in shock for about a week, I am thankful that my (2nd) RE is treating me aggressively from the start. We had our post IUI 'if we didn't conceive this cycle consult' with our RE yesterday. We will be moving on to IVF (if necessary) and my meds will be doubled because I produced an egg, yep, one egg, but I know it could have been no eggs so I am semi-optimistic. Guess what my RE said when I mentioned only producing one egg? He said, and I quote, "It only takes one!"

Matthew M. F. Miller said...

Constance and I went to an event last night celebrating the work of Chicago women to combat sexual assault. One of the honorees was toasted by her daughter, and she humanized her mother in a way that only a child can.

Later, one of our favorite kids in the world showed up, and she decorated my bald head with fake, plastic stars.

With mother's day on the horizon, and no child for which to celebrate, I'd still like to celebrate my wife, who will be the best mother someday.

Thanks for the brilliant post, and as always, for the attentive ear.

A.M.S. said...

I think I'm going to curl up in that big, puffy chair in the corner and just listen today. Don't really care what's in the glass, as long as it stays full. I'm not even in a good venting place yet.

Oh, and the evil holiday? I'll be spending it alone because S's mother gets too bent out of shape if she doesn't get recognized and a phone call or card isn't enough for her and I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm going to sit through brunch in a restaurant full of happy families.

(Um, if you happen to stop by the blog, don't mention the MIL...she reads it!)

Ryan said...

I'm a little late to the party, sorry. Happy to hear about the new OB.

This is my first Mother's day after a successful IVF. So far I have unexpectedly burst into tears discussing it twice.

I thought I'd made it to the other side, but there is no other side. IF is still a huge part of my thinking. I'll take a vodka tonic, please. Actually, I'd like two to start with.

Ryan said...

Whoops I'm signed in as my DH. Sorry! It's Isabel.

Shelby said...

Better late than never! I'll have a big Appletini please. With an extra cherry?

I have a feeling this weekend will involve a bit of drinking. I'm on bcp, and will start my first IVF cycle injections on tuesday. I'm excited, and terrified at the same time! I have no idea what to expect, and how I'll react to the injections. Only time will tell. I'm just trying hard to stay positive and optimistic about this cycle.

Then there's the wedding. My SIL is getting married on saturday. We'll be seeing lots of family we haven't seen in a long time, and I don't want to answer any questions. Plus my MIL and I really don't see eye-to-eye on much at all. It will be a fun weekend. I will deal with thier questions by being at the bar. With a full drink in hand. At least on the plus side, my daughter is the flower I'm really excited to see how much fun she's going to have. This is my last weekend of freedom before we jump headfirst into IVF.

The Town Criers said...


That's the beauty of a virtual bar--no cut-off point and no messy stumbling about.

I'm so sorry that you hit that trifecta yesterday. But I'm glad you found this bar. If you have a blog, send me your url ( so I can add it to the blogroll.

Bean said...

Yikes, I can't believe I'm so late to the party. I'll have a gigantic margarita please. What timing, I need to vent so much that I'm ready to burst! But where to start? First, husband was a royal ass last night while my parents were in for a short visit. Stomping around and not talking to anyone. My 4 year old has better manners - ARGH! Second, the kid and I both have Strep. She had no symptoms and feels fine, but I still had to miss a second day of work this week. Third, we just signed on for our 4th IVF cycle. We'll start next month and we're going to try "minimal stimulation" IVF. It's clearly a second best option (medically speaking), but because it cost about a third of the regular protocal AND our insurance ran out after the last failed cycle we're going to give it a try. I feeling very freaked about it and worried about dealing with more disappointment. Thanks for letting me vent -- aren't you glad I came to the party?! :)
Ooops, almost forgot about mother's day. I guess I'm feeling very mixed about it. On Tuesday I went to a mother's day "feast" at my daughter's daycare; they had a big lunch and the kids sang songs and poems for us. It was sweet, but it's very hard for me to be around families with lots of kids and let's just say more than a few of the kids in my daughter class have more than 1 sibling, so there were a lot of younger brothers and sisters at the party. We'll be spending Sunday with very dear friends, so I know I'll have a good time. However, they have a five year old and an adorable 18 month old. I adore them both, but it's getting harder and harder to be around the baby without feeling a bit sad. Hmmm, not loving my life right now -- can I have another Margarita please? ;)

sharah said...

I always seem to be out of town on the lushuary day, but I'm here now. On CD1. Again. I've got bloodwork scheduled for tomorrow morning, and I'm waiting on the call back to tell me when I'll be doing a HSG. So I feel no guilt whatsoever about asking for a good, stiff margarita.

As for M-Day -- screw that. I just finished my master's, and I'll walk that afternoon. It's "Graduation Day" around here.

The Town Criers said...

There's a trend today of Amys posting without blogs :-) Hopefully, you'll find these messages to you here.

To the Amy who is starting IVF this summer--welcome to the bar. I hope the blood work goes well tomorrow and that it's all green lights to a successful IVF cycle this summer. And I'm here if you want to vent or cry or celebrate after your first injection.

A fellow needlephobe :-)

millie said...

That Hallmark card is perfect. Totally perfect.

I'll have a mimosa (or two) to start my day and just keep going from there.

I'm doing my first donor embryo cycle and hope to get a transfer date tomorrow (I've had some lining issues so we'll see if they've gotten better). If all goes well, I'll transfer sometime next week and be back in that dreaded 2ww for the first time in a year.

Reproductive Jeans said...

Whoo hoo for the new OB! So glad you had a good appt!

Hmm, lets see-today I will have an apple-martini! I love those things!!

Just got my blood work back, and I am "perfect"-thats nice to hear in this world sometimes.

So the wait continues--so Im living the stress-free(as much as possible) until July!

Dianne/Flutter said...

Mel - wishing you so much luck and hoping that you will get the BFP without the RE.

Mary - Good luck with the event. It shows what a wonderful teacher (and person) you must be. Sending you a big HUG!

Sorry I got here late....may I have a Riesling chilled...very chilled. It is beautiful here today, going for a walk. Even if it is short.

Lets is complex. Very complex. Starting to think about quiting. Very seriously. Well at least after our three scheduled IUIs. Also think that I've resolved some of my moral dilemmas. And if we produce too many eggs again, I may be willing to do IVF. But right now, since AF still hasn't shown. I am in a break mode. Hmmm...when did that happen?

We leave for our cruise in 17 days. And there is no time to do an IUI before. To be honest, I know that if we really wanted to, there is still time - if AF showed soon. But, I don't really want to.

I want to enjoy our cruise. I want to have a mojito, a margharita, a glass of wine, etc. anytime I feel like. I want to drink my coffee on the balcony. I want to take a dip in the hot tub. I want to find my fun self.

Thinking I may change my hair color before we leave ;). It would be a start to finding myself again. I feel like infertilty is making it hard to see me.

amy said...

Well, this was our first IUI cycle with injectibles. I overstimmed BIG TIME. My RE aspirated some of the "extra" follicles and holy hell that hurt. But then I wound up in the hospital with ENORMOUS ovaries...ovaries are not meant to be the size of softballs!!

I go tomorrow for the blood test to see if the IUI even worked. What an emotional could be my first mother's day...or just another mother's day without my baby. If it is the later than I'll be downing the margaritas on Sunday afternoon.


hope548 said...

Seven and seven sounds good. Just found out a friend is pregnant - through the grapevine. Still up in the air on my infertility, but putting it on hold due to Costa Rica vacation coming up. I did start back to acupuncture, which really seemed to help me last year. It's starting to get to me again. School is finished for the semester, more time to think about it now. Drink up everyone!

Anonymous said...

Here's what's up with me. After a 21 day cycle for IUI #3, (yes..yes that's TWENTY one not thirty one)I took the bull by the horns and insisted on day 3 bloodwork. I will do the Clomid Challenge this cycle and have an appointment with our RE on monday.

I'm proud of myself for saying "I want day 3 bw done!" I have brought it up several times both to the OB and RE and they always said I didn't need it. Well, I WANT it to rule out things. let's make me something fruity and fresh. How about a nice mojito? It's warm and sunny here and I'd much rather be sitting out on my deck knitting on a light and airy wrap than sitting in my stuffy, unairconditioned classroom with 20 days of school left. Oh..and if you could make something that might possibly take the stench of ripe 7th graders out of my nose, it'd be mighty appreciated!

(I'm leaving my blog addy and posting as anon b.c our school server is screwing)

Samantha said...

Hmm, what to drink? I just had martinis in real life, as I'm on a cycle break, so I think I'll just stick with white wine today. Dry, please. My last cycle didn't go the way I wanted it. After producing a shocking 46 eggs, my body went into overdrive and I ended up in the hospital with OHSS. The good news is that I've got 7 frozen embies waiting for my ute. But right now, I'm on enforced break, waiting for things to finish unswelling. I hate waiting. I also hate cycling. But I seem to love complaining!

es said...

No drink for me- 2ww!

Just had my (IVF) transfer on Monday- 2 great little embryos!

I am currently limping from the pain that is the PIO shot. For some reason it has affected me terribly, keeping me awake at night from the pain. My doctor yesterday decided to switch me to vaginal suppositories, and I practically cried in relief. My butt is still sore but at least I slept last night. Only a week till I find out the results!

Jason and Samantha said...

Let's see, I'm getting ready to go to our second RE on the 14th. Hopefully this one won't be a total idiot.

And I just ovulated Tuesday, so maybe there won't be a reason for an RE? but with my hubby's sperm, that might be doubtful. But like Bumblebee, I'm trying to stay positive this cycle! :)

Piccinigirl said...

sorry I'm late, but hey at least I got here. And because I do not start stims until Sat I am going to have one last Apple Red Martini and enjoy every last drop. (cause I truly hope I can't drink for nine months after this)

I am sitting between spaces this week. I am at once terrified and hopeful. I am not sleeping and when I do I dream of running and hiding and talking to friends from High School. Sometimes I am so ready for this and other times I can't seem to make myself be ok with it. Not the decision to do IVF but simply the thought that if this doesn't work, where the hell do we go from there?
My other "thing" this week is of course mother's day coming. This holiday I dread more than Easter or Christmas, where I wish i could stay home and hide all day. I hate myself for feeling like that. I love my Mom, my MIL, the other "moms" in my life & I want to celebrate them but a little part of me dies a little more each mother's day and I just can't feel ok about it. I have been reminded that starting meds right before mother's day might be a really good thing, a great sign...and for right now I am trying to stay in that "great sign" place for fear if I think about what happens if it doesn't happen that I will never like this holiday no matter what.
So there I am , hopeful, terrified, excited, depressed, high, low...and all the rest. Just waiting to see what Mother's day has in store for me.

I am so glad you got to see the new OB. It sounds like he is taking you seriously and you feel good and that makes me smile.

*hugs to all* now I'll take that drink :)

Stacie said...

Mojito. A pitcher.

One of my best stirrup queen friends just got a BFN and I am so so sorry and mad and just furious at the general unfairness of the universe. And, of course, there is nothing I can do. I wish there were some magic wand, some perfect turn of phrase, to ease the pain of a failed cycle but if there is I haven't found it. Infertility just sucks.

Kris said...

Vodka is wheat-free, right?

I've just posted my own term for Mother's Day. This is also the month we started trying. Seven full years down the toilet.

But, on the upside we've got some exciting life changes going on- relocating, new jobs, settling down, where we live no longer dictated by the military. And I've been eating better and seeing positive changes in my cycle for it.

Haven't quite kicked the alcohol out of the diet yet, though. There's still time for that later...

Binky said...

Sorry I'm so late! Work has been kicking my ass.

Um, could I get a root beer float? With bourbon back?

I'm going to sit over here with Jess and Isabel, since we're in the same boat right now. I'm actually feeling ok and I don't feel like I've got much to vent about, so I'm just going to listen to my gals and offer sympathy.

And when I'm good and virtually drunk, I'm going to amble over to pretty kitty and give her a sloppy hug and say, "Hey! I have high FSH too! Doesn't it suck when they treat you like a leper because of that? And you know what? I don't think it actually means anything at all. Mel! Would you get this lovely lady another one of whatever she's having? She'sh nishe."

Sara said...

Mel-I'm so glad to hear that your new OB is full of good ideas and understanding. Wishing you luck in your attempt to get knocked up the old-fashioned way!

Drinkwise, I've been longing for a nice chardonnay for several weeks now. I can't drink a real one, but the virtual version would really hit the spot.

Mother's Day has never been a big deal for me. I'm not a "hallmark holiday" aficionado in general, and have managed to ignore most of them for much of my life. Even almost 3 years of infertility never made mother's day feel like a kick in the gut. However, this year is different. This year, I'm pregnant, so I should have a special smile on my face on Sunday. However, a dear friend (also a stirrup queen) lost her twins to pprom at 20 weeks a few weeks ago. Every time I think about Mother's day, I think of her and how unbelievably painful the first mother's day after a loss must be. I don't know what to say or do to help. I don't think there's anything that I can say or do. Some hurts just can't be healed.