The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

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Friday, April 13, 2007

Friday Blog Roundup and Next Blilt

Ew...what's that taste in my mouth? I think I may have vomited a little while watching Notes From the Underbelly last night. I started retching when the chickie got pregnant on the first try. Then the puke really started dribbling when the two women squealed over being pregnant at the same time and I had a small waterfall when the two men slapped high-fives because he got his wife pregnant on the first shot (you're right! That does really make you a man. Oh yes, laughtrack, that is hilarious). The entire I-need-to-eat-right-now thing felt old the first time she made a left turn from the right lane. And I twitched a little whenever Jules walked around with her hands on her belly. But probably my favourite part of the show was the way the single woman was dismissed whenever she tried to enter the conversation. I think it sets a lovely tone for the show. It was not the best use of an hour of my time.

Please...can we talk about something else? I think my eyes are still burning.

The first blilt is up and now it's time to start the next one. How it showed up on the screen is actually different from how it appeared when it was in draft form. So now that I know how it will look on-screen, I have some new ideas on how to make it look a little more quilt-like.

So the next blilt is about waiting. It sometimes feels like this isn't really "making" a baby or "becoming" a parent or any other active verb. It's the inverse of active. It's a huge waiting game. You wait to cycle, you wait to have your beta, you wait to be chosen for adoption. And everyone gets through that wait with different emotions and thoughts.

For this next blilt, add to this thought in anywhere from 1--15 words: "During the wait..." (you don't need to add those words to your sentence, but simply use them as a kick-off point). And here is one additional step--state which type of wait you're writing about in your square. Whether it's waiting to cycle, waiting to know, waiting to get in with the RE (any form of waiting). I may try to coordinate the "fabric" with the type of waiting. And it would help me tremendously to enter them quickly if everyone used this format:

Words for the quilt
Type of waiting
Url of the blog (or let me know if you don't want your words linked anywhere)
Any additional thoughts for the Blilt Unraveled entry

You can take this square in any direction--what you think, feel, or do during that time period. What makes it hard. What makes it the only time in your cycle where you relax. What makes it the time you feel the most hope or the most despair. Anything you think sums up your own experience with waiting.

This seems to be the week for good ideas. So in case you missed any...

Okay, so these first two were missed last week because I had matzah brain (which is a very real phenomenon. Try existing on matzah for 8 days and we'll see how clearly you can think), but JJ at Domesitcated has started a community blogroll in Facebook. If I understand correctly, unlike a blogroll which has to be maintained by a person and sometimes contains dead links or wrong links, the facebook blogroll is maintained by the people who opt into the blogroll and community. Does that make sense? Did I mention my lack of computer savvy? But it sounds like a very cool idea so go check it out.

The other site I meant to write about last week was this wonderful new site called the Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Blog Directory. It is a clearinghouse for information concerning loss and it is maintained by five bloggers. They have a roundup every Friday similar to this one solely concerning loss. It is so incredibly moving. No person experiencing a miscarriage or neonatal death ever needs to feel alone again. During the week, they discuss articles and issues concerning loss. It is a fantastic site and I think it's important to go over and see the good work they are doing even if you haven't experienced a loss. It's important to support your fellow stirrup queens.

Serenity is setting up a meeting of North American bloggers right now. Which does not mean that non-North American bloggers are excluded; she is just being realistic in who would be able to come (but if you are planning a trip to the US, let her know). Contact her if you wish to be put on the planning list (her email address is on her blog).

Celeste from One Long Yarn has started a fund to benefit her husband's village of HeJiaWan in Nanbu County, Sichuan, China. Bamboo Village Education Fund was started because, "every time we return to visit, we find that another youngster has dropped out of school due to economic pressures. What happens to them? They end up going to work in sweatshop factories, or to work in risky construction jobs and other terrible jobs. I just can't sit by any more. I know I can help these kids and these families to get the education that they are so close to completing! More than that, I know that we can open up new worlds to them with efforts in teacher training, public awareness-raising, and (my greatest dream) opening a community library." Celeste has set up this amazing online store filled with extremely cool artsy stuff and supplies. So...if you need to get a gift for someone, why not have it benefit HeJiaWan too?

Lastly, following on the heels of Bea's International Infertility Film Festival is the Multiple Mom Movie Madness--an online film festival for parents of multiples. Stacie has organized a film festival set to open on May 31st to showcase movies "about the joys/hassles/magic/challenges of being the mother (or father) of multiple babies (or toddlers, or school age children or…)." Hmmm...I think I'm hearing the siren song of Microsoft Paint again...

An apology--I am way behind entering emoblopedia links. It's on my to-do list for the weekend along with cleaning up all that vomit from last night's television-watching experience. Damn you, Notes From the Underbelly for coming on after Grey's Anatomy.

And on a last note, I met my first blogger today. Or really, my first commenter, because Paz doesn't actually have a blog. It was Paz who kicked off the idea of Infertility's Common Thread with her question about secret handshakes. And I can't even tell you how much it rocked to meet someone face-to-face. We had been conversing via email for months and we finally coordinated schedules and I got to hold her delicious newborn baby. And she's just an extremely cool person and I feel lucky that our paths crossed.


TeamWinks said...

Ok, that's like giving us homework on a Friday! He he!

My husband wouldn't have let me watch that show if I had even wanted to. Sounds like torture to me!

serenity said...

EEEEEWWW! I wouldn't have been able to watch it. Seriously. I would have turned it off. I can't even watch those stupid Disney World commercials anymore without a sardonic remark: "Yeah and they probably got pregnant right away."

For the blilt (this one's easy... it's a topic near and dear to my heart right now):

During the wait, I try and outrun my grief.
I am waiting to cycle.

Unraveled entry:
That's where I am right now - waiting to cycle. Marking time. Desperately trying to focus on our upcoming vacation... home projects... filling out paperwork, gathering medical files for our second opinion... planning a blogger reunion. Trying to forget that I lost what could have been our child almost exactly a year ago. And trying to ignore the nagging belief I'm no closer to having a family than I was a year ago.

littleangelkisses said...

During the wait, I tell myself not to hope or it will hurt too much.


I learned the hard way that letting myself get excited only leads to heartache. I hide my HPT's so that DH doesn't know I've POAS. I finally realized that I can't be POAS crazy because that's letting hope get the best of me. Focusing on what I have and how lucky (truly lucky, I know that) I am to have it are what gets me through.

j said...

Besides all the things you mentioned about "Notes..." you forgot to add that it was stupid, boring, insipid, and poorly written.

I didn't make it past the second commercial.

Furrow said...

Oh, lord, yes. Ditto what everyone said about that stupid show. I even stayed up a little later than usual to give it a shot. Didn't make it past the couple getting preg in the first month (okay, I did check back in 10 or 15 minutes later, but then I turned it off). When it first started, and that first couple flashed back five months, I thought it was going to take them a little while to conceive. I was going to cut the show some slack and be okay with their agonizing ;) 5 months. That would have been more interesting, right? Have a few episodes with them struggling while everyone else is pregnant? But the way it turned out ... who wouldn't find that insulting? The 5% of couples for whom it works on the first try? The young'ns who haven't started trying yet? That has to be who is writing this shit.

Homework: During the wait (the whole wait, sorry), I felt like everything else in my life was on hold.

Roy said...

During the wait: can I be happy if this is all I ever get.

I'm waiting to save money for treatments.

Diagnosis was easy, one little surgery to chop out the endo and make my womb welcoming. It didn't work, and my insurance company doesn't care. And to preserve any bit of fertility I may have, I'm on birth control, the exact opposite of everything I want. A year of waiting, which may end with no new options, this might have to be the life I live forever. I try so hard to find the good in it, but it's like doing extra chores as a kid to save up money for a new bike- only worth it because of the end result. I don't know if I can handle it if there is no end result.

Roy said...

ooops, my statement was supposed to end in a question mark: can I be happy...?

vixanne wigg said...

I refuse to watch this show.

But I have a great idea for an upcoming episode. Pregnant friend one miscarries. Lots of awkward phone conversations and secret (or not so secret) jealousy ensues.

Ha ha! That's one for sweeps.

Anonymous said...

I think if they dropped the cliches and just looked at the raw emotions of this process that would be one hell of a show. You'd even have humor, because it's funny when I tell my nurse hey thanks for knocking me up. I think you'd get a laugh with the 20 HPT's in the trash and you've taken one apart and you're looking at it with a microscope under a 100 watt bulb. Then you can watch the single girl who wants to have fun but knows her time is running out to have another thing she really wants. The camera can pan to her face and you see the way she squirms listening to, the "oh my god you're so lucky you don't have kids". You should get a close up of her face when she has to hide her own pregnancy and loss as she looks at a couple and wonders what that would be like. God Hollywood is filled with absolute morons because if they looked around they'd see the stories out there there that would give Grey's a run for it's money. Well now that I've gotten that rant out of my system, here I go.

During the wait, the 2ww, the wait to cycle, and the wait for results, I panic about being successful, and grieve about failures. I wish that it wasn't like this and I cry, I cry a lot.

Natalie said...

I'm very glad I missed the show. That sounds truly barf-worthy.

Natalie said...

For the blilt (and just to let you know, I can't find your email address anywhere on the page. There's text at the bottom that says to email to update blog info for the list, etc, but no email link!

Anyways, the blilt....

During the wait, I have far too much time to obsess
I'm waiting to start my (first) IVF cycle
Unravelled: I distract myself by obsessing about baby things. Baby gear, baby books, baby diapers. Or maybe obsessing over my upcoming cycle(s), planning dates and keeping detailed notes on every.little.thing. But I just have to keep focussing on the good things... there are too many fears lurking right below the surface.

Sunny said...

First I can't believe you watched the show. I wanted to but knew I would either cry, scream, or get sick during it. UGH!

During the wait
I drink in front of my pregnant friends because I can and they can't.
always waiting, now to change stupid insurances to cover stupid treatments because my husband has a stupid brain. Can you tell that I am so stupid excited about this new wait?

Umm, I hope I didn't sound like I have a drinking problem. HA!

mandolyn said...

Part of my job is to review network radio commercials- I had to listen to several promos for that show and I'm pretty sure they all made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.


I'll get back to you for blilt #2...

dmarie said...

glad I'm not the only one who hated that show.

Samantha said...

During the wait (any wait), time feels both endless and too fast.

When I am waiting, whether between cycles, or during a cycle, or a tww, it's easy for everything not fertility related to feel like pointless filler that's just dragging on and on. At the same time, I can't believe how long I've been trying, and over two years have gone by with nothing to show for it.

BabylossDirectory said...

Thank you for mentioning us - the thing about the Directory is that it will only be useful if people participate. The more people who know about it and use it, the better off we all will be.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

~ delphi @

Dianne/Flutter said...

I've been thinking on this one - sorry it took me so long :). Anxious and fearful with all the possibilities (2ww).

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

You couldn't pay me to watch that show.

During the wait, I often feel overwhelmed by fear of the unknown.
I am starting my 3rd IVF/PGD cycle.

Egged Out said...

During the wait
I can convince myself of anything - that it is all for naught and I'm foolish to think it will work or that the due date will be on ...

2 week wait

The Egg Timer

Tina said...

"During the wait..." I prayed that I saw a BFN.

Type of waiting: 2WW

When my ovulation was confirmed via u/s the day after I ovulated with no signs, I was given the choice to go through with a late IUI or do a natural cycle or abstain completely and wait it out. I turned down the late IUI, but I was on the fence about waiting or a natural cycle. My instincts said wait - but, my impatient self said go natural. So, we went with the natural cycle. As I was in the 2WW, I just had this nagging instinct that I had made the wrong decision - I should have waited the cycle out. Of course, my instincts were proven right when I got that BFP then started bleeding shortly after. I should have waited... But, the mixed blessing in this is that I know now why I am miscarrying - had I followed my instincts, would I have found out why I am miscarrying?

Ann said...

I drive myself crazy coming up with so many "what ifs."

Type of wait: Waiting to cycle


Rachel said...

During the wait, I hope I won't be let down again.

I am waiting to get past the point I lost my last baby.

My loss has been so recent I still can't be around pregnant women. I avoid newborns and conversations of pregnancy. Now I am pregnant again and I am scared. I don't want to lose another baby. I am having difficulty getting excited or even hopeful. Even once I make it past the 10 week mark, I now know I won't be safe until the baby is born and even then something may happen.

Anonymous said...

The 2ww keeps getting harder and harder.

not much more to add. I find I don't have a 'system' anymore like distracting myself, POAS (or not) or thinking positive...each day of the 2ww feels as though i'm moving closer and closer to my execution (okay, that may be an exaggeration...but it definitely gets me closer and closer to the death of my hopes and dreams about parenthood)...i'm glad i still get to wait, in a general sense, but i dread every fucking minute of it...

A.M.S. said...

Seems like I spent the last year living in two week chunks, waiting for this test, that period.
Our Own Creation

Unraveled entry:
Every cycle I can describe as hurry up and wait. There was the wait to meet with the RE, the wait for the next period, the wait for the test results, the wait for the surgery, and on and on. We couldn't make plans more than two or three days out because we were always waiting for something. Yesterday, I waited and waited for my test results. Today, I'm waiting for my sono appointment tomorrow. Then, more waiting. And all of that on top of the years of waiting to be pregnant. I'm tired of waiting.